I’m Here For You

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Need a shoulder to lean on? Someone to listen to you vent? Do you feel alone, and as if no one can hear your cries for help? I’m here for you.

Since the age of eleven, I have been battling anxiety and depression… I am nineteen years old now, turning twenty next year in February.

Given my illnesses, I know what it is like to think that no one cares, and that everyone is against you. I can also totally relate to the feelings of not wanting to get out of bed, and not wanting to go out there and face the world.

My anxiety seems to take pleasure in beating my soul up, by filling my mind with irrational, obsessive thoughts, which can cause one to feel so… terrified. And my depression likes to grab my head and push me down into the water, leaving me flailing around helplessly until numbness creeps into my body.

More than often, I worry about what others think of me; what to do the next day and how to get it all done within a period of twenty-four hours without losing my mind; when to get this and that finished; and so much more.

Anyway, I’m saying all of this, because I want to let you know, that you are not alone.

If you suffer from generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), major depressive disorder (MDD), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or any other kind of mental illness… you are not alone. A great number of people, myself included, can relate to what you are going through. True, we all have our own battles to fight, and very different ones at that. No one’s situation is exactly the same as another.

But that does not mean that we cannot comprehend one another’s struggles. There are people have been in a similar situation as you; not all, but at least some.

And whether others believe it or not, mental illness is as valid as physical illness. In spite of how discrimination and stigma are still prevalent when it comes to mental illness, it’s not all in your head! Some people just fail to understand.

Helping others is one of my passions. It is truly wonderful to know that someone out there is feeling better, going places, and living the dream, and you have played a part in it. I go out of my way to try and brighten other people’s days, whether it be by giving them a sincere compliment, or offering advice regarding one of their problems, or simply listening with compassion and understanding as they open up about the hardships that they are faced with.

So if you, a family member of yours, or a friend is having a rough time at the moment, and would like to talk about it… I’m willing to listen. My inbox is always open.

 

CONTACT DETAILS

Facebook: Arianna Mae Lovendino
Instagram: AMaeSLove

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I’ll Be There

What hurts is that I love you so much
Yet nothing I did seemed to be enough
For you left my heart out in the rain
Filled with sorrow and filled with pain.

Every time I pause and think of you
I look back on our past, and start to feel blue
I truly hope that there will come a time
When I will no longer cry at night.

Wherever you are in this cold world, though
I want you to keep in mind and know
That if ever you need someone to listen and care
You may let me know; in a heartbeat, I’ll be there.

No Happily Ever After

I do not want to be drowning in this depression anymore
I wish to be happy and full of life like I was before
I know that there are many reasons for me to smile
But I am so hurt that I struggle to see the bright side.

From the start, I have given you affection and love
Though all I have done never seemed to be enough
Ironic, is it not, how the person whom I love most
Is the one man who treats me like I am but a ghost.

I guess that Happily Ever After does not exist
Hopefully, I will grow tired of all of your games
And like an elderly man being buried in a cist,
My feelings for you will eventually pass away.

Why

Why, why did you walk out of my life,
Leaving me with a heart that whimpers;
A runny nose; red, swollen, teary eyes;
And a fear of once more getting hurt?

Why, why did you leave me all alone
To tread these paths on my own,
With not a single soul by my side,
But those who make me feel sad & cry?

Why, why did the sweet words you said
Seemed so convincing and real back then?
I hope that I move on, though I don’t know when;
I don’t want to go through that again.

Why, why did you have to make a promise
That you never intended to keep?
We shared with each other times of bliss,
I guess you found someone better than me.

Why, why do I still have these feelings for you,
In spite of all the crap you have put me through?
I pray GOD replaces the ice where your heart ought to be,
That you may not betray anyone else like you did to me.

Travesty

My heart shattered into pieces like broken glass
The time I learned our love was not meant to last
Likened to an angel sent from heaven above
You were the reason I believed in love.

I recall vividly the moment you gave me a promise ring
The walls I built have been torn down by you then
But now they are rising back up, for you left me to bleed alone
Even when surrounded by a crowd, I am all on my own.

I’m a breathing, talking, and walking travesty
Oh, how easy it is to fool them with a smile
Drowning in tiny droplets of misery
Though I pretend that everything is alright.

I hope that one day, I will move on from this
Although right now I long for the taste of your lips
I know that there is always hope for a time
When you will not be always on my mind.

Overcoming a Difficult Time In My Life

It is not uncommon for calamities and tragedies to take place in this world. A great number of people die every day. Many of us experience illness at at least one point in our lives. It is sad; however, it is also something that is important to accept, because all of us, for as long as we are alive, deal with problems.

I am nineteen years of age, turning twenty next year in February. Although I am quite young, it does not mean that I have not been faced with adversities or struggles. I say this, because I know that some people out there believe that young people do not have much experience. But I disagree. I uphold the opinion that, no matter how young an individual is, he or she may have acquired a great deal of experience, learning valuable lessons from the situations that they have been through. Regardless of age, gender, religion, socioeconomic status, and the likes, people can struggle.

My life is not the type of life that many would enjoy living. It is boring and dull. However, my ordinary life does not make it a life that is free of pain and strife. In fact, I have been battling certain illnesses for around eight years now. Back in around 2013, I was diagnosed with major depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and social anxiety.

But my mental health issues are not what I have overcome. Not yet at least. One problem that I have managed to overcome was bullying. In elementary school and junior high school, I was made fun of, picked on, and taken advantage of. I was known by my classmates then as a quiet but kind and sweet girl. It was my introverted, shy personality that made me an easy target for bullies.

At first, the bullying did not get to me. I was able to go to school every day, with a smile on my face and my head held high, and carry on with my daily activities as if nothing was wrong. It only began to affect me during the start of seventh grade.

My so-called best friend at the time was very friendly and smart, but at the same time… she possessed qualities that most found unappealing. She was charming yet manipulative. Popular yet not in a good way. One could also say that she was kind, but it was the type of kindness that did not seem genuine. It felt… insincere. As if she was being nice to everyone just to get something that she wanted from them.

She would drag me around the school like a doll. She would grab my wallet and take some money without asking for my permission. She would pull on my hair, which seemed enjoyable for her but was painful for me. There was even a time when she and I were sitting beside each other, talking about random things. At one point, I mentioned the name of her crush back then, to which she responded by slapping my face so hard that my glasses flew from my face to the ground in front of us.

We do not talk with each other anymore. In fact, we have not spoken for quite awhile now. But every once in awhile, I find myself thinking of her, wondering about how she is doing, what she is up to, and what interesting events have recently taken place in her exciting life.

And sometimes, I ask myself, ‘Why didn’t you stand up for yourself, Arianna?’

 

Fortunately, I no longer experience bullying from those around me. On the contrary, everyone has been treating me with kindness and respect lately. As of today, I am in my first year of college, taking AB Communication. I do not attend classes in a classroom setting anymore for a number of personal reasons which I prefer not to discuss. Instead, I am tackling online studies, but I plan to return to regular school in the near future.

I am grateful for the LORD Almighty God, my family, and my friends who have been there to support me during my times of trouble. If there ever comes a day when I experience bullying again, I will not run away this time. Neither will I remain silent.

But knowing my worth, I will stand up for myself.

 

If you are being bullied, please do not hesitate to speak up. Being bullied can be a traumatic experience, and, if it persists for a long period of time, can result in low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and feelings of isolation and loneliness, all of which can have a negative impact on people’s lives. It is best to seek help as early as possible before it gets worse.

And most importantly, please remember to be kind, not only to others but also yourself. You yourself deserve your own affection and love as much as everyone else.

My Heart

My heart craves for your touch every day
Never do I not long to see your face
Although in my dreams, I see you for awhile
I prefer to see you again with my own eyes.

My heart yearns for the taste of your lips against mine
If I had a chance, I would go back in time
To the day we shared our very first kiss
We were both in love; it was a moment of bliss.

I do not know what caused your feelings for me
To fade like a candlelight ceasing to be
Tears sting at the corner of my eyes
At the thought of you having someone else as a wife.

All I know is, though, that you used to care
Despite how our trials were difficult to bear
But just as the seasons change, people do the same
My once happy heart, has been put to shame.